Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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