it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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