Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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