I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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