theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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