U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
