Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
