last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
