"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it penis luge time yet?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
