dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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