he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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