just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
