a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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