i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
