He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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