The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
