Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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