i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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