Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
