franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
