I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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