My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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