Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
