I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
