I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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