just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Rumble strips road head = magical
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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