I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
