he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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