do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
