What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
