They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
