ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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