is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
