your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
