If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
