I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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