i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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