my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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