She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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