I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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