so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
