I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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