just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
