I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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