Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
