and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
