The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
