I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
