he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Rumble strips road head = magical
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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