There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
