Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
