ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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