So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
