It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
