we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
