I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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