the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
