PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
