last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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